# THE LAST CYNIC

I was reading about Diogenes and was immediately inspired to write a short story. I imagined him suddenly in Times Square yelling and criticizing the capital of bigotry, greed and excess and this is what popped up. Please enjoy.

FADE IN

EXT. TIMES SQUARE - DAY

The man in the tattered chiton sat cross-legged on the sidewalk of Times Square, his matted gray hair falling past his shoulders, a wooden bowl at his feet containing three coins and a half-eaten hot dog. Tourist photos from the previous week showed him flipping off the Naked Cowboy. Yesterday, he'd urinated on the steps of Morgan Stanley.

A Police Officer approaches.

POLICE OFFICER

Sir, you can't be here.

DIOGENES

And you can't stop the sun from rising.

He replies in perfect English, though with an accent that no one could quite place. 

DIOGENES (CONT)

Yet here we both are, pretending we control anything at all.

The cop, a bit surprised, just walks away while ,uttering,

POLICE OFFICER

This crazies, getting more eloquent.

The digital billboards continually flashing their messages into the throngs of people that walk past them. Sarah Chen suddenly stops in front of him. She's been watching him for days from her food cart, intrigued by how he laughs nosily at passing suits checking their Apple Watches, or gesture obscenely at influencers taking selfies.

SARAH

You're him, aren't you? 

He looks up, his eyes sharp beneath his wild brows. 

DIOGENES

Who´s that?

SARAH

Diogenes.

DIOGENES

Holy shit, finally. Took long enough for someone to notice. What gave it away? The fashion sense?

He plucks at his filthy chiton.

Sarah sits down beside him, ignoring the strange looks from passers-by.

SARAH

No, plenty of crazies around here look like that. It's more the way you look at everything – like you're seeing through it all. Like it's simultaneously the most hilarious and tragic thing you've ever witnessed.

Diogenes barks out a laugh.

DIOGENES

Well pretty lady, you´re right about that. Now, two thousand years, and humans have only gotten better at lying to themselves. Look at them all.

He gestures at the crowds. 

DIOGENES (CONT)

Slaves to tiny glowing rectangles, measuring their worth in 'followers,' trading their lives for pieces of digital nothing. At least in Athens, people knew they were watching shadows on a cave wall.

SARAH

How did you get here?

DIOGENES

How does anyone get anywhere? I walked. Time's just another road.

He scratches his beard thoughtfully. 

DIOGENES (CONT)

Though I will say, your modern food is a marked improvement over ancient Greek cuisine. Especially these 'hot dogs' – though I've yet to determine what breed of dog you use.

Sarah couldn't help but laugh. 

SARAH

They´re not… never mind. But why Times Square? Why not somewhere... quieter?

DIOGENES

Where better to point out humanity's follies than in the temple of their modern madness?

He gestures to the massive screens above.

DIOGENES (CONT)

Look at that one – 'Buy this cream to stop aging.' In my day, at least the snake oil salesmen had actual snakes and oil. Now it's all…

(he waves his hand dismissively)

algorithms and influencers.

A group of teenagers walked by, all staring at their phones. Diogenes stands up suddenly, holding his lantern aloft in the fading daylight. 

DIOGENES (CONT)

Hey you! I'm looking for an honest person!!

The kids jumped and hurried away.

DIOGENES (CONT)

Yeah, one who knows themselves! One who isn't a slave to—

He squints at a passing billboard,

DIOGENES (CONT)

Tik Tak dances and crypto investments!

Sarah smiles. He seats back down.

SARAH

It´s TikTok, you know?

DIOGENES

What?

SARAH

Never mind.

DIOGENES

(Sighs)

You know what the real difference is between ancient Athens and now? The Athenians knew they were lost. These people think they've found everything they need in those little screens.

Sarah watches as he pulls the half-eaten hotdog from his bowl and takes a bite.

SARAH

How long you gonna stay?

DIOGENES

Until humanity finds itself? Or until they arrest me for public indecency again.

(He grins)

I've got nothing but time. And someone needs to hold up a mirror to all this…

He gestures at the square, the crowds, the endless digital displays, 

DIOGENES (CONT)

...whatever this is. Besides,

He adds with a wink.

DIOGENES (CONT)

Where else can I get free hot dogs from kind food cart owners?

Sarah smiles and stands up. 

SARAH

Come by anytime. But maybe wear pants next time?

DIOGENES

Pants,

He scoffs, returning to his people-watching. 

DIOGENES (CONT)

Just another chain humanity has forged for itself.

He raises his middle finger to a passing orange-faced man with wild, puffed up blond hair, wearing an excessively long red tie, who was shouting into his AirPods about whatever.

In the growing darkness, his lantern cast a small circle of light on the sidewalk, a tiny island of illumination in the sea of neon and LED.

FADE OUT

Thanks for reading. Abrazos.

Diego Rojas